Freethinking for Dummies

No More Fun of Any Kind!

PZ Myers hands us another pearl.  This time he is going on about how religious conservatives are trying, again, to legislate sexual morality.  He quotes from a Catholic blog where a reader asks the question, “Are unnatural sexual acts moral to use as foreplay, prior to an act of natural marital relations open to life?”.  He quotes from part of the answer to that question.  I’ll just quote from PZ’s blog entry:

“The expression ‘that use which is against nature’ refers to unnatural sexual acts, such as oral sex, anal sex, or manual sex. Saint Augustine condemns such acts unequivocally. He even states that such unnatural sexual acts are even more damnable (i.e. even more serious mortal sins) when these take place within marriage. For God is even more offended by a sexual mortal sin that takes place within the Sacrament of Marriage, since this offense is not only against nature, but also against a Holy Sacrament.

Dang. Well, at least Augustine didn’t explicitly forbid rubber wetsuits, fuzzy handcuffs, vibrating crucifixes, octopus, ceiling-mounted swings, clamps, chocolate pudding, flavored lubricants, Wonder Woman costumes, rubber chickens, exotic headware, whipped cream, video cameras, Silly String, roller skates, trampolines, nitrous oxide, balloon animals, feather boas, ball gags, or bungee cords, or I might be going to hell.”

I’ll just sum up by adding a few things to PZ’s list he missed that I feel are esential: Anal beads, whipped cream, step stool, garden hose, two-speed massager, rubber bands, hair clips, plastic mattress cover, confetti, fluglehorn, purple paper hats, five medium-firm pillows (with plastic covers), slip-n-slide, and one gallon vegetable oil (or KY if you perfer, but the vegetable oil is way cheaper!)

March 28, 2011 - Posted by James Walker | Humanism, Religion, Skeptical, Skepticism